guess what! me and the BFF BRITTUMS are goin to the byrd to catch a flick today!! how sweet!!
lol this morning my besty TARYN surprised me with a dinkie dinoa!! which is a type of tamagotchi! Which was awesome!! ((btw i've been using awesome a whole lot now)) Its a monkey named Chuck, and i think i love hims faces!! Seeing as how he's the cutest thing i kno of! GO CHUCK!!! lol
...so i decided to write in my blog everyday even if its simple things like this it give me the chance to express the way i feel and better get thru the day.
oh OH oH theres this guy...and i know you dont have to tell me yes this is very elementary. but anywho theres this guy that i happen to be fond of maybe more than i lead myself to believe and i just wanted to say he was cute and that i liked him and that although we talk and stuff, i want him to like me back! LOL
~I got my life and its my only one I got the night, I'm running from the sun So goodnight, I made it out the door~ Kanye West
In the frame made of gold plated brass, lays a picture not so much a picture but the negative of an image that captures his heart and makes whole his world. A women laughing with the most joyous glee. His fingers trace, lightly barely touching the glass that separates his flesh from the film that is the picture. Why frame and care so effortlessly for a negative? Why not, is the only reasoning he can muster as a response, because his vocabulary lacks the define precious words to honestly answer. This women, made by GOD for no one but him has seen better days, she embodies youth and her free spirited will draws him close although distance is wat is asked of him. To he the absence of she leaves him in the most intense agonizing pain. Yet he embraces this pain and uses it to blanket him throughout his days. Because the pain has become his friend. A constant reminder of the love, joy, spiritual awareness of wat use to be.
~See I dont need no alcohol Your love makes me feel ten feet tall Without it Id go through withdrawal cause nothing even matters at all~ D'Angelo
****Love that has come and gone all too many times. Always there and not at the same time, new approach same ending results, same guy new face same skin. Teased from afar..always within reach yet somethings in the way. "I'm different from the rest, I'm that one guy willing to make that change" Different voice, same game.
*****Games she's tired of playing. Giving up on the chase, no longer on the hunt. She wants to hurt no more, she wants to began the healing of the sore. The fight in her soul has disappeared...now love was the only thing she feared.
"There's this girl I know, so deep in love, do almost anything to make him see she's the one, but he doesn't feel a girl like her, he's so, so wrapped up, cause the average girl will give him anything he wants."
you can't just express that you like me and leave it at that...i've slowly begun to fall for you and there's nothing i can do about it. but sit back and remain unseen. i've done everything to get you to see me...all but cover myself in chocolate and lay naked before you. can't you open your eyes? can't you see me? your so blind baby, your eyes are wide open yet they look right thru me and fall upon the girl behind me, beside me, in front of me, beneath me, above me...all around me yet never upon me!
"Blind and so native to whats smack dead in front of you, you'll search for years, for what always been right beside you, when you finally realize and your eyes become unglued...she'll have moved on and no longer wants you"
**i cry outside but only when it rains
***i give in instead of up
****i believe in hope instead of luck
*****my emotions i can hardly contain
******i am the picture torn from its frame
*****i woke up this morning and found my soul starin down upon me
****it was confused my the person i've come to be
***it asked..where'd my joy go
**it asked..why my face no longer glowed
*it worried that from this i wouldn't bounce back
**it morned the lost of my spirit
***it dreamed that one day it'd click and i would get it
****i looked at my soul and tried to defend my state of being
*****i looked at my soul and was a lost for words
******there was no point of lyin my soul always knows
*****it hurt to see my reflection to the eyes of my soul
****it killed me to feel how fast i've become so cold
***i'm dying from the realization that my soul has givin up on me
**i'm coming unglued
*no longer can soul save me
** yesterday, i tried something new. i tried to brush off the negative emotions i was feeling and replace them with giggles...which led to my laughin at inappropriate moments (which was just fine by me) and it gave me loads of energy. i was just hype and ready to take on anything. after a while the negative emotions became my fuel to push pass and look for the good in the bad. the giggles began to become genuine and eventually i wasn't feeling those negative emotions. i let it all fade to the back of my mind and found something healthy to do to keep me busy. but as soon as i was alone those emotions slipped out of their box and flooded my head. i was free with nothing left to do, i had thinking time (which is my weakness) when im alone i refuse to focus on the good and all those horrible feelings from earlier in the day, three days ago, last week, two years ago come crashing in on me. it rips me from my delicate frame and shatters my everything. thats why i hate being alone...i fear being left with just my thoughts, i fear just being alone. at night when i lay ready for bed tears start to fall and i couldn't tell you how or why...its this heavy feeling that takes all control and i have a meltdown.
its my relapse my monthly relapse my weekly relapse my daily relapse...its my way of lovin you without lovin you. its my excuse to cry dry tears to whimper subconsciously to find any reason to sleep so i can dream. i'm sensitive and i know it....i'm using this as a crouch...to help me stand and lie to myself and everyone who looks my way that "yea baby there's nothing wrong i'm ok" when there is something wrong..there's alot wrong. i gave you my heart and its key...you tossed em in the lost and found and now i'm lost dying to be found my you and only you. because only you can mend what was broken, this glue wont hold but for another day or two and then im back to another relapse. stuck on stupid thinking about you. i say i'm ready to move on but i can't because i dont have the will to.
the will to find better...not even looking because i eyes are still only for you...its sad kinda sadder than sad, but i cant deny whats what in the matters of the heart. i went into writing this blind just needed to vent and speed up the process i'm bound to repeat some other time this week. it's my relapse and its taking over me