My Drug

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. ~Lily Tomlin

Poetry...it's the glue that binds me together. And its one of the few things I have for me, when I write I'm telling myself how I feel.



lol Oh how I hate to speak to soon and have to put my foot in my mouth...UUUGGHHH!! Come on man, let it not be one of those. I wanted this to be something else, you kno that something else I've been waitin for (and hopefully it is and i'm just jumpin the gun here) but DAMN UGH "Pretty" get outta ya feelings


...it's friday YAY! oh and I'm gonna be in that VCU HomeConcert Wale and J.Cole WHAT WHAT! lol im excited! just gotta find something to wear cuz of course VCU is the Fashion Capital of downtown Richmond lol and I don't wanna look like a scummy bum.

Oh I did the gayest shit last night...called "Shahid" A.K.A Pretty while i was paintin my nails...and I dont remember hangin up so I'm sure i fell asleep on the phone ((lol...some gay shit I haven't done in years!))


Because he read my blog

...lol I get like so embarrassed when people I know reads this thing or my poetry or anything for that matter I don't kno why I just do. And yesterday when he told me he read my blog I damn near pissed myself I was so mortified! It's not like it's something so secretive or whatnot lol I don't kno I'm just silly that way!...lol but I did promise him I'd write about him today so here it is! We all kno I randomly go on this rant and rave about "Pretty" who never really was a actual person just the pet name I gave to my ego or my flirty side I guess. Sometimes pretty was a person you know, whoever had my interest at the moment wither they knew it or not. But ladies and gentlemen I do indeed have a "Pretty" now...lol he's a cutie and funny so I think I might like the kid. Not too sure what that means at the moment but I enjoy his conversation and he's easily entertained so who knows what's what and what's gonna be yet. Its 2011 I'm just goin day to day with whatever rolls my way...and if its "Pretty" cool if not that's cool too.
ON ANOTHER ISSUE! 2011 HAS TO BE MY YEAR! lol I mean Bitch I'M BAD! lol Toni and I are on good terms again (like I mentioned before) and I love it! Missed that girl you kno, so she's welcomed back with open arms...while at arms distance if that at all makes sense. I'm no fool she still has to earn a few things back...like my trust and shit! lol ALSO Jay mentioned him too last time. I like that guy! lol not in a "I wanna love him one day" kinda way but a "I'm glad I made a friend in him" kinda way and if things start to lean in another direction I don't kno what to think. I mean I'm single with no commitments to anybody but I'm not pimp it's just not in my blood! But if things start to go in any "relationship" direction with anyone (Toni [doubt it] Pretty, or Jay) I'll be sure that its what I want and not hurt anyone elses' feelings lol LOOK AT ME AND SHIT! lol


The Mondays

Normally on a Monday morning I'm in the crankiest mood, but today is different and I'm not even sure why. It could be because I slept good or had a awesome weekend whatever it is I love it and could really get use to it. Bumper tho I didn't make it to the gym today before work welp! i'll bust ass tomorrow PROMISE...lol lately life has been really random but it feels good living for the moment and makin it all count. I mean its not like I'm going base jumping or anything just deciding to live for me and making me happy first and foremost. OH I decided to give toni another chance but this time I def got a wall up and moving at a creepy slow pace. AND jay is turnin out to be a very interesting person, nothing serious or whatever but conversation is nice to have with someone who is just as educated as you.
Any who my 21st birthday is just a few months away and im tryna get in shape lol...not for my birthday but just for me u kno feel better about me and the temple I have to live in. lol OH I need ideas for my birthday IDK what to do...Ugh lol off to work and study some for this test tomorrow!



There's been this calm that's takin a hold of me and its like I can feel the fire bubbling just under the surface, yet I'm content in this calm. I'm an emotional person we all know what and I ride my highs as I do my lows with a smile until i crack and spew all that the dam was once holdin back. Funny how you learn yourself and know just when your gonna lose it. But I guess if anyone is to know that, it would be yourself...lol...i'd like to believe my life is just a constant throwing of curve balls and i can't say I'd want it any other way. I like the not knowing whats around the corner but i have a difficult time with change..I kno I kno change is constant and needed and blah blah blah CHANGE MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE OK! lol
I love writing on this thing it always make me feel better and like even when what I originally wanted to get out doesn't necessarily come out I still feel this release and i can breath easy. Well for a while until something else bothers me and I remember I own this thing. YES I OWN IT...THESE ARE MY RANDOM THOUGHTS...ALL MINES! lol
I kno most people own a blog and they have some deep tale, or the worldly news, or the latest trend, all on display for consumers. I on the other hand treat my blog like my diary random burst of thoughts I can't find any other place to put em. Except when I put them here I kinda hope someone finds them and can relate some how.
*OH lol I'm goin to Maine this weekend to visit Grace again! lol I'm both excited and nervous. One I don't really like planes and Two I'm not too sure I want to hear all the advice she's gonna shovel down my throat. I mean she has good intentions but I have a plan it's takin a little longer to fulfill tis all.