in my feelings

she cried a tear similar to the ones before....heartache


4 days

why hasn't your name scrolled across my phone in 4 DAYS!!!
I'm goin nuts inside and out...idk what the hell is goin on i wish you'd just call me or text me. Hell if its nothing more than to say "FUCK OFF" just let me know your alive and well...i can't call you anymore or text you because i dont wanna seem like im pushy. but I AM DAMNIT! I literally count down the hours to sleep so i dont have to face the reality that your not in my reality. But sleep isn't the release i thought it would be...you have gotten so far under my skin that your effecting my dreams. So i toss and turn and wake up on and off...I LIKE YOU ASSHOLE gosh just put me outta my misery already!



been thinking about a lot of things i wanna do not necessarily before i die but just to say i've done. to be well rounded or cultured...lol maybe just to brag about. so here they are:
*be a r&b singer
*sky dive
*be a burlesque dancer
*travel the world
*win a man v. food challenge
*publish a book
*be in a commercial
*back up dance for vanilla ice
*star on a reality series
*help deliver panda cubs
and i whole lot of other random stuff...lol some x rated stuff lol just to try it out. im a curious person!


what to title this?

been in my feelings today, on and off tho. Had a fun day at work it moved slowly but i had fun with my goof

ass coworkers. was pool-side with my kee and tee for most of the day, tanned swam, and cop'd some
digits, played a little h20 football! lol all in all it was great, but you ever have that feeling that something not so good was gonna happen?? been having that feeling and it feels like it's in the direction of Dae'Shawn. idk maybe im over thinking it. maybe i just need an excuse to push him away. either way i hate it! because i really really like him ugh me and this brain of mines. :( welp i can't think of anymore to say without stressing myself out

sweet dreams


random thoughts

-i feel like sex has taken a large part of my life...and i find myself giving into temptation and at times having sex when i don't want to or worse with people i don't want to. so I'm not gonna have sex for a while and see where it takes me.

--sometimes i feel like the world is moving around me and I'm stuck standing still, so i put myself into overdrive and move move move until I'm burnt out...i fidget a lot.

---i prioritize the wrong people in my life, putting those unworthy on a pedestal, being loyal to, and making excuses for people who could on a good day not give two shits about me. time to make a change

----you ever just wanna hurt somebody?...like really physically hurt someone (no one in particular) but just get the urge to cause somebody anybody a complete stranger bodily harm? i do (does that make me a nut, should i go see someone?) lol sometimes i just wanna punch a kid in the face

-----maybe i should see someone...lol it couldn't hurt, right?

------well it's morning and I've rambled enough got some stuff off my chest, be back later I'm sure of it!


Pillow Talk

I lay in bed last night and before finally slipping into my slumber i had a conversation with myself. Not aloud lol i'm not that much a nut, but internally; i discussed where i was in life and where i wanted to be. As a child you always image how life's gonna be when your a grown up. Well i am a grown up and i couldn't be further away from that childhood image. I envision that by the rip old age of 21 i'd be in my career with a steady relationship or marriage a nice home dog car and maybe a little one...what made me think that by 21 that's be my reality, why did i feel like i had to have it all figured out? Why do i still feel as if i should have it all figured out? Rushing so much on myself, just makes me feel as if i've failed and is to far behind in life. I'm 21 for heavens sake, and when i look at what i do have i'm well ahead of the people in my age group. But it doesn't feel like enough. after some more thoughts and some "A.D.D" moments i came to the conclusion that i was gonna try my damnest to live life as it comes day to day and make the best decisions i know how. Because at the end of the day i'm the determinate of my happiness and if i waste away stressing what i don't have and worrying about what i do have i'm gonna miss the blessings that await me....SO, GOOD MORNING WORLD...and thank you lord for all you've given to me