*my friend suggested i get a blog and use this as my way of releasing my stress and strains of life, at first i was using my facebook page and realized that, that might not be the best thing. she helped me realize that and i'm glad she did. recently in life i've hit many a brick walls and with fear in my heart that i wont be able to overcome i just ran in the opposite direction. ran as far away from my obstacles as i could. i want to stop running but my legs wont quiet they wouldnt give up. but the determination they hold is leading me on the wrong path. away from my problems and into others. i want to be able to face my issues head on and defeat them

** yesterday, i tried something new. i tried to brush off the negative emotions i was feeling and replace them with giggles...which led to my laughin at inappropriate moments (which was just fine by me) and it gave me loads of energy. i was just hype and ready to take on anything. after a while the negative emotions became my fuel to push pass and look for the good in the bad. the giggles began to become genuine and eventually i wasn't feeling those negative emotions. i let it all fade to the back of my mind and found something healthy to do to keep me busy. but as soon as i was alone those emotions slipped out of their box and flooded my head. i was free with nothing left to do, i had thinking time (which is my weakness) when im alone i refuse to focus on the good and all those horrible feelings from earlier in the day, three days ago, last week, two years ago come crashing in on me. it rips me from my delicate frame and shatters my everything. thats why i hate being alone...i fear being left with just my thoughts, i fear just being alone. at night when i lay ready for bed tears start to fall and i couldn't tell you how or why...its this heavy feeling that takes all control and i have a meltdown.