...from a compulsive rambler

Why do I always end up this way?...Hurt, Tired, Fighting the feelings to just give up. And your always at. Taking in consideration that in this case you = multiple people summed up into the root of all evil. It starts out the same...you've taking interest in me (vise verse ) we exchange numbers plan to hang out and instantly become close. Maybe I'm to open, maybe I'm allowing you to get close way too fast. An before I know it I'm your ride or die even after you pull the carpet clean from under me. Going out of my way to insure your happy at all times, putting your feelings before my own...to look like a fool caught with my pants down. When you call i answer you need money I make a withdrawal somewhere to sleep...here I'll take the couch. I confuse these feelings for love and I just assume you feel the same only when it's too late do I realize I was just victim to your game. Sad thing is this happens time and time again never learning always saying not next time I promise. A promise I break repeatedly! This time instead of saying no it wont happen I'm going to say please don't let it happen. I'm the kinda girl that forever believes in happy ever after so give up on it I can't. But I can't continue on this way...I fight so hard to let you in let you get comfortable to the point were I'm comfortable with you there...unable to let you leave until you do and I stuck in my feelings trying to figure what happened where did I miss this up this time? You disappear leaving me torn the reappear as I've finally patched up my wounds...with a excuse or a sob story and there I am with open arms...oh you need someplace to sleep again no worries my beds still welcoming. UGH! done with the likes of yous' and this time i mean it seriously



you are by far the dumbest fuck i know. and it kills me that i'm so into you, i want you to want me and i'm not talking sexually. just to have you as my own but you want her and she's all wrong...and u know it you hit my phone EVERYDAY telling me how she's done this done that and you feel like your wasting your time, you are! seriously daddy drop the zero and get with a hero! why can't i be the one??? why am i just the homegirl...your so fucking stupid! who do u call when you need someone's shoulder...whose holding you down when the worlds turn it's back on you? I got you bunked up when you needed somewhere to lay your head and i did all that just because i'm your friend...shit i'm far more loyal to you than any bitch you've fucked with...your words daddy not mines and yet you pass me up over and over again! ugghhh i hate it when u hit my phone with more bull bout her..man call me a hater or whatever you want u got a good shawty ridin side line...u gonna look up one day and im gonna be tapped out. i'm in your corner guy...UUUGGGGHHHH ur just so irritatin and flip floppy....dont like me one day and be talkin to somebody the next. you can't toy with my emotions and feelings like this if there is hope then there is but string me along fuck you...man fuck me because im the fool that falls for it...FUCKIN FUCK FACED JERK WHY DO I LOVE YOU!!



and im gonna need to find a distraction...not a relationship. i want someone i dont have to share you know. like their all mines but not all all mines if that makes any kinda sense. i guess what im tryna say is i want to be able to go out and not look thru the crowd and wonder whose lookin my way, who i can try and get to notice me...something along that nature. i want to go out and be like ha whatever i dont need any of you cuz i gots mines! lol but not a relationship i need someone to keep my attention to pull me outta my funk when needed...like a bestfriend that i can cuddle up next to or kiss their face off when im feeling the urge. to keep me away from my stress and all the other useless blah in my life. atleast until im ready for a realationship...ugghh whatever i'll just have to distract myself



it's friday and i close up early!! so excited! lol oh and to plan the weekend is a task in its self i have so much i want to do limited funds and even more limited time! lol i'll work something out.

can't really post anymore to the story i started yesterday seeing as how i have to close up here at work soon! YAY!!! but i will soon i promise. any plans for you guys this weekend?

oh so check this yesterday it snowed a tiny bit right and i was walking from my aunt crib, ((she lives close)) and BAM i fell and busted my ass like major! on the hill and slide All the way to the bottom of the hill. lets just say my bottom is sore and grass isn't the softest! (0_O)

5minutes and i can go home! yay!!! ok ok let me get to work closin this place i'll def blog later!



((side bar)) had a dreadful dentist appointment this morning and my whole entire face HURTS!!! i'm hungry and im tryna eat but my damned mouth is killin me rapidly slowly! lol i can't even smile and giggle! this is gonna be hell! i think i just might cry..oh and to the FF u are the best ever! lol

it had been a sunny day for the most part, and she seemed to be enjoying herself as she watched Kyle play on the swings. it had been two years since she'd thought about that day but today it wouldn't stop hunting her, "mom!, Watch this!" Kyle screamed down to her from the monkey bars. "be careful kiddo please!" she shouted back to him. the other mothers looked in her direction and she knew exactly why, they all must have thought she was his sister and to hear that she was his mother shocked them and to peek at her was to reassure their disbelief. Kyle had just turned 3 years old three weeks ago while Kyra's would be 17 in a matter of days. Yep you've done the math she was indeed 14 when she found out she was pregnant with her child actually 13 and 17 days shy of her 14th birthday.
she sighed looked to the playground and back to her lap, she hated coming all the way across town to the only decent playground in order to allow kyle a safe place to play, but it was all worth is when she watched him mingle with the other toddlers that was until someone got to handys and she had to call Kyle over for time out. glimpsing at her cell phone she noticed 4 missed alerts and that it was just about time to catch the 4:45 back to witcomb. "Kyle", she called after him as she rose and gathered their things "come on sweets time to be on our way". he hadn't stopped playing. zipping up her light jacket and putting the strap of her bag over the handle to the stroller she pushed it to the edge of the sandbox, "Kyle mom says its time to go, now tell the little boy bye and come on here!" she was becoming frustrated.

((beginning to a story that just hit me..i dont know where it came from it was just a bunch of jumble in my head that i had to get rid of. i'll def post more and finish it))

---ok my day?...decent been textin a odd person all day he's good conversation just out a place for us to communicate. work day ends in 5 and i can be on my way home! maybe the FF can come over and chill tonite idk i'll ask but no promises.
--oh check this we as in all of female facebook played a simple game today for our status we posted the color or our bra just the color [ex. "black"] and nothing else so all these girls had different colors and patterns and wat not. after a while the guys got irritated and started questioning us lol it was fun we knew something they didn't and most still dont know
-off to close up the lab with my sore mouth and headache! BLOG ABOUT IT LATER!!!


wat a day

....and the day that preceded it. aww how the tables have turned! yesterday started out shifty but became pretty decent as i continued on my journey thru the sun into the shade. lol
*guys are like girls just with exterior parts ive finally figured it out. they want and dont want just as much as a female. except we as women might have a slight upper hand. the whole ability to manage our emotions kinda works in our favor when we in fact have the ability to control and manage them. guys shy away from their feelings in hopes that they'll pass just as peer say gas would ((no pun intended))
feeling like the weight of the world has caught me once again...lol then he told me: june bugg u gotta drop the load, cuz u damn sure anit nobody's pack mule, kissed my check then i smile. he was right i sure the hell anit! [gotta make the best of wat i got it's better than nothing rii???]



ok work again as always and im not bored!! isnt that a first!!!...lol well the shift is almost over and i couldn't be more excited! lol its dark out and im sure its cold and i didnt bring all my weather protective gear lol so i shall freeze on my journey home!

....i want to go out to tuesday verses tonite with the girls jst waiting for one of them to hit me up with a time. if not its movies and dinner dolo in mi casa tonite!!!! lol which isnt so bad anymore i just have to get use to it some more i guess.
oh i did some searching and finding of schools today and NOVA seems like the place for me. it has the vet tech program i want and it wont cost much the only problem is the commute and wat not since i def am not moving out there!

i learned a valuable lesson today, well it was valuable to me: WHEN GIVEN A CHANCE TO SHARE YA TRUE FEELINGS TAKE IT!

---i finally had the nerve to tell t.y. how i felt and altho im sure it might have upset him some it allowed me to breath easy, not having to egg shell my way around him anymore.
--not to mention he is now aware of my feelings and has no excuses as to why he acts the way he does, being up front allows me to avoid the guess and check method with guys...and girls too
-from now on i guess i'll try my best to just say wats in my heart and on my mind just to kill the confused cat. ((i have a lot of little analogies i never noticed that until just now lol ))

ANY WHO!! i'm just tryna kill time lol, i need a hug! and a check these clowns i deal with geesh!
how was ya day???...ah huh...well thats nice, lol yea yea i heard...WHAT YOU LIE! ...lol well damn that has to be some of the most fucked up shit i've heard all day, sorry your day sucked....maybe this'll make you feel better...MY DAY WAS GREAT!! oh it didnt, shit welp....TUFF TITTIES!

OH OH OH BEFORE I FORGET! this morning before work well no it started last night, ((ho-seph)) Joseph called me at like 2 am and we talked like forever! glad we've become friends he's like a big brother to me, not completely cuz i think he might be decent looking...lol anyways THIS MORNING i cooked the best breakfast ever and watched the ending of my favorite movie ((it's 3 dvds long and i finally finished the last disk)) it was nice and peaceful! felt good makin new friends gettin rid of the lame ones thats just using me =} lol


tis the new year!

you kno its the new year and i haven't blogged a thing! i feel like a bad blogger, someone punish me!...lol ((not like that u nasty nasty man))

brigning the new years with some good ole hard work! i just moved into my own place and i'm tryin my damnest to make it feel like home...its way to quiet!!! lol when you dont have it you want it when its abundance ur tryna get rid of it! Life's been a test or my will and wits and its pullin me by my ears ahhh one day i'll get it right.

ok so catch up i guess?!?!? NOTHING NEW!! wat a surprise! guys come and go and girls follow right behind. i have decided to cut loose everyone and everything that doesn't bring profit or needing to my life. the stress of carrying everything is giving me back pain and killing my poor lil' knees!

again im gonna try to blog a little everyday...rant vent bitch watever it may be im gonna do something.

i really need to start writting again my poetry is suffering because i've become lazy. ok ok ok so i do have something to share...I FALLIN IN LOVE!!! i kno your like damn this chick like WTF but now way! this time its for real and its with MYSELF!...i've decided to love me til death do us part!! lol long storry i'll share later. at the moment i have to get back to work! blog bout it later!