...from a compulsive rambler

Why do I always end up this way?...Hurt, Tired, Fighting the feelings to just give up. And your always at. Taking in consideration that in this case you = multiple people summed up into the root of all evil. It starts out the same...you've taking interest in me (vise verse ) we exchange numbers plan to hang out and instantly become close. Maybe I'm to open, maybe I'm allowing you to get close way too fast. An before I know it I'm your ride or die even after you pull the carpet clean from under me. Going out of my way to insure your happy at all times, putting your feelings before my own...to look like a fool caught with my pants down. When you call i answer you need money I make a withdrawal somewhere to sleep...here I'll take the couch. I confuse these feelings for love and I just assume you feel the same only when it's too late do I realize I was just victim to your game. Sad thing is this happens time and time again never learning always saying not next time I promise. A promise I break repeatedly! This time instead of saying no it wont happen I'm going to say please don't let it happen. I'm the kinda girl that forever believes in happy ever after so give up on it I can't. But I can't continue on this way...I fight so hard to let you in let you get comfortable to the point were I'm comfortable with you there...unable to let you leave until you do and I stuck in my feelings trying to figure what happened where did I miss this up this time? You disappear leaving me torn the reappear as I've finally patched up my wounds...with a excuse or a sob story and there I am with open arms...oh you need someplace to sleep again no worries my beds still welcoming. UGH! done with the likes of yous' and this time i mean it seriously

STUPID!

you are by far the dumbest fuck i know. and it kills me that i'm so into you, i want you to want me and i'm not talking sexually. just to have you as my own but you want her and she's all wrong...and u know it you hit my phone EVERYDAY telling me how she's done this done that and you feel like your wasting your time, you are! seriously daddy drop the zero and get with a hero! why can't i be the one??? why am i just the homegirl...your so fucking stupid! who do u call when you need someone's shoulder...whose holding you down when the worlds turn it's back on you? I got you bunked up when you needed somewhere to lay your head and i did all that just because i'm your friend...shit i'm far more loyal to you than any bitch you've fucked with...your words daddy not mines and yet you pass me up over and over again! ugghhh i hate it when u hit my phone with more bull bout her..man call me a hater or whatever you want u got a good shawty ridin side line...u gonna look up one day and im gonna be tapped out. i'm in your corner guy...UUUGGGGHHHH ur just so irritatin and flip floppy....dont like me one day and be talkin to somebody the next. you can't toy with my emotions and feelings like this if there is hope then there is but string me along fuck you...man fuck me because im the fool that falls for it...FUCKIN FUCK FACED JERK WHY DO I LOVE YOU!!

complication

and im gonna need to find a distraction...not a relationship. i want someone i dont have to share you know. like their all mines but not all all mines if that makes any kinda sense. i guess what im tryna say is i want to be able to go out and not look thru the crowd and wonder whose lookin my way, who i can try and get to notice me...something along that nature. i want to go out and be like ha whatever i dont need any of you cuz i gots mines! lol but not a relationship i need someone to keep my attention to pull me outta my funk when needed...like a bestfriend that i can cuddle up next to or kiss their face off when im feeling the urge. to keep me away from my stress and all the other useless blah in my life. atleast until im ready for a realationship...ugghh whatever i'll just have to distract myself